So much respect for that.
I wish somebody had told me this when I was raped.
So much respect for that.
I wish somebody had told me this when I was raped.
hi! so I have a bad situation, basically my parents abandoned me in a hotel in Georgia after an argument re: my sexuality, I have zero contact from them right now. I anticipated this (it was a lot worse than i thought, but still i am the most prepared!), so i saved money for a greyhound ticket. unfortunately, i was vomiting constantly and generally not a good brain space that afternoon, so i missed it.
I need money! I have a hotel room through christmas afternoon, but I need at least enough to pay for four more nights. I haven’t eaten anything since my parents left me, I would really like to be able to order a pizza since it’s a really crap idea for me to not be eating due to medical issues!
please consider giving some cash to errol, this is like a real honest-to-goodness emergency situation and they’re an awesome person that i’d like to see survive
I am the friend christine is taking about, but I figured I’d add some information of my own.
My mom is abusive. My dad was abusive. My first girlfriend was abusive.
My mother does care for me in a way, but her caring about me is all about showing how good a mother she is. I’m not allowed to not say “I love you too”, she shows up to things, even if I tell her not to. In regards to me losing my scholarship (due to trans issues and depression), her words were “I failed, you failed”; it’s all about her building up her sense of worth via building up the value of her motherhood, and nothing is allowed to challenge that image.
But the thing is, I think I need long term hosting. If it its presented as me running away, that will severely undermine her sense of value of her motherhood. So she’ll call me and cry and try to guilt me back home (why would you do this to your mother?), or call and brow beat me into coming home.
She has yelled at me to the point that I utterly shut down, then noted I shut down, then yelled at me for shutting down
She’s a psychologist.
And I hate that I’m not brave enough to just run. But I’m not. So, I’ll have to present it as me moving out if I want to escape this emotional prison, I think. That is the only solution I can see. Let her keep her illusion of quality motherhood. Just let me out.
Also: think I might be too old for the door, and at the hott program a callen lorde I once told a social worker that I didn’t feel safe anywhere and his response was to stop making excuses for myself and my behavior/failure to complete a task. While he doesn’t work there anymore (he moved), it hardly filled me with confidence on their ability to help with, or even recognize, abuse. And the social worker I’ll probably be referred to is one of the facilitators for the shitty support group that invalidated my anger and wanted me to use I statements to deal with people denying my humanity, so, again, not inspiring confidence. But thank you to everyone who’s tried to help. I really do appreciate it
So, yeah, any help people can offer me would be superb
Please, help her out. This is the friend I was referring to a few days ago and it would mean a lot to me if you signal boosted this or had some ideas <3
To have fun at your kid’s expense like that? To break their trust, and to break their sense of expectation—they got all that candy and they expect to be able to eat their candy—they’re incredibly disappointed.
My husband’s like… wow, all those brats, a couple of them were raised right… and I’m like… no, if that had been me I would have lost it. I would have been incredibly wounded that my parents had done that to me. I would have been wounded that they took something that was mine without regard to my feeling, then when I found out it was a joke, I would be wounded that they’d do something like that to me.
I hate practical jokes. I hate things that make people feel bad. I hate being the butt of them, and I hate watching them perpetrated on others. I hate seeing caps on my dash of this video, and I hate that I was made to watch it. And I’m sure people are going to be like oh… you’re being overly sensitive, it’s all in good fun, etc. But I think that was really potentially damaging. Yeah, it’s just candy, whatever, but it’s not about candy. Not getting the candy you thought you were going to have IS disappointing. But it’s about trust.
I’m 100% with you on this (no surprise there).
I knwo things like this are meant to be funny. I know that. I don’t get how people can be that cruel, though. It just breaks my heart to see my kids cry, and I don’t know how parents can do that to their own kids.
Story time! So if you’ve followed me on Tumblr for very long, you’ve probably heard this story. But basically, when I was 13 years old, my parents convinced me that there was a difference between regular nail polish and toe nail polish, and that there would be drastic consequences (though I can’t remember if they specified or just said that “bad things would happen”) to using regular nail polish on your toenails from that point forward. My parents STILL tell that story as a “hahaha, look how funny that was”. They don’t get that it was incredibly hurtful and terrifying for me. They don’t get that I cannot read sarcasm and I had no idea they were trying to tease me, and I was taking it seriously.
Abusers are really good at finding people who have already been groomed to view abuse as ‘normal’. So please don’t wonder how someone could have been abused more than once and say shit like abuse survivors should know better.
It’s not unheard of for survivors to go from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. Abuse has been so normalized for so many people that there is this deep rooted suspicion that all relationships are abusive. That everyone is faking it just like you’re faking it. That no one actually has non-toxic relationships. And that’s a type of coping mechanism right there, isn’t it?
Then there’s also the fact that survivors have complicated feelings towards their abusers. Sometimes we love our abusers. Sometimes we are dependent on our abusers and feel indebted. Sometimes we know it is abuse but we don’t know if anyone will take our side and help us. People would rather turn away then help us. Sometimes people would rather help cover up the abuse because it’s less messy.
Sometimes these messy feelings keep us from realizing we’re being abused, even if we know the cycle of abuse, even if we’ve tried to help friends in messy relationships. It can’t be abuse, we’re in love. It can’t be abuse, he takes care of us. It can’t be abuse because I can’t see myself as someone being abused. Etc, etc, etc.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what you get when you stand up to a man who beats his young girlfriend in public. Not the black eye, not the broken nose, but the sense of being a fucking great human being.
Earlier today while I was waiting for the bus I witnessed a man walk up to his girlfriend, who couldn’t have been older than 18, kick her handbag, spit on her and scream in her face that she was a cunt. He walked back into the bus shelter after telling her she was worthless and pathetic and kicking her in the gut then as she tried to follow he turned around to grab her. I got in between them and told him that he should never EVER spit on a woman, hit her or talk to her in that way. He laughed in my face and said he would “fuck me up”. I looked him square in the eye and told him that I was not afraid of him. He proceeded to scream obscenities at her as I took her away from him, then he shouted to me that he could walk round the corner to get people to kill me. Feeling defiant, I said “go on, I dare you, there’re plenty of people around to witness it.” The prick then walked right up to me and head butted me in the nose. I am now sporting a swollen face and the beginnings of a black eye but the police took swabs from my nose to get his DNA and they know exactly who he is. Cunt’s going down for assault. Motherfuckers don’t treat women like that and get away with it. I feel heroic.
That’s right bitches. Women deserve respect.
This girl just won my love.
I had this come across my other blog today, a reblog from thegreenwolf:. This is what she had to say:
I call bullshit. That’s makeup, not a fresh black eye. A black eye would be a lot more swollen, and that nose isn’t broken. Plus you don’t swab for DNA from a headbutt. And if she were headbutted, there would be a LOT more bruising on the bridge of her nose; there’s no way that his forehead/top of his head would have planted squarely on the INSIDE corner of her eye without there being substantial bruising and swelling in the surrounding area.
On top of it, even if this WAS real, the OP did the victim no favors. Chances are her boyfriend is just going to take out his anger on her as soon as they both get home. This is why domestic violence situations are so tricky—any intervention by an outside party is liable to result in the victim being hurt again, unless the abuser is taken away and the victim is able to get to shelter. Why, after all, do you think they NEED shelters? Because abusers come looking for their victims, to regain control over them. On top of it, in this hypothetical situation she’d be damned lucky if the girlfriend didn’t jump on her, too—abuse victims very often will defend their abusers in a situation like this.
If you see DV happening, CALL THE POLICE. DO NOT INTERVENE. Document if you can, but stay the hell out.
paper-snow-a-ghost, nice try, but no cookie for you from here.
Reblogging in case you missed the commentary. I know it’s going to get lost in the flood of GIRL POWER!!!!! but this woman is clearly pulling some shit here.
I thought it sounded a little fake!!
I was just glad it was the story (real or not) of a guy actually being a complete asshat and someone stepped in and helped this (imaginary) girl without violence.
as opposed to another story kind of like this where the girl was all proud of herself for punching a guy in the face for making a joke (though inappropriate like a 2/10 on the inappropriate scale) that he probably wasn’t going to go through with anyway.
WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO CALL BS THANK YOU
Do you want to know what the reason was that I cut off contact with my abusive rapist ex after we split?
It was cuz I was afraid I would reenter the relationship or get close to them again.
And really, it was a close friend (and later partner) who did it for me. Entered my accounts and blocked the ex (I was already living far away). So I didn’t even do it without help.
Abuse is built to rope you in. It is designed to make you dependent, to make you feel like you need the abuser, need to be with them. It brainwashes you, robs you of your capacity to escape, even as you’re wondering how you could survive another day with the person who’s hurting you. You can rationally know all the way that you’re being ripped apart mentally and spiritually by that person. You can know that everything they do is wrong.
But in the end, you’re still gonna feel that intense, almost urgent love. Cuz that’s what it does.
To criticize anyone for loving an abuser or for going back (like Rihanna being back in touch with Chris Brown, Madonna thinking of Sean Penn as the love of her life as two examples) is to fundamentally NOT FUCKING COMPREHEND what the fuck is going on. And it’s to blame someone for the equivalent of brainwashing thru torture inflicted on them.
Who the fuck do you think you are? How in the fuck do you think your bullshit helps anyone?
‘Victim blaming’ as a phrase dulls the impact of this.
You are blaming someone for being unable to swim when their legs got tied by someone else and the riptide is dragging them away from shore.
You are blaming someone for the natural response to this sort of torture, something that can take an entire lifetime to reduce, much less eliminate.
It is vile. It is disgusting. And so are you if you think for one second you can even dare to criticize, attack or prod at any abuse survivor/victim who goes back or still loves their abuser.
A guy with a blog titled “Women are Objects to Use” just followed me, and I decided that’s it - that’s the last straw. I really enjoy what I’ve seen and learned about BDSM in the past little bit and I absolutely get off on being a submissive. I’m falling more and more into it and I don’t want to stop. But what I DON’T enjoy or get off on is one way too prevalent idea I’ve seen posted on BDSM blogs around here. So let me be clear:
Women are not objects, and we exist for more than male pleasure. It is not women’s natural state to be submissive. We do not deserve to be humiliated and degraded because of our sex. It is wrong when men force women to participate in activities that hurt them, and it is wrong to engage in any form of play without regard for your partner’s feelings or desires. You might enjoy forcing your partner to do something she hates, but doing something you haven’t negotiated beforehand doesn’t make the activity super sexy - it makes the activity abuse or rape, and it makes you an asshole. And for my money, it’s not ok to perpetuate that women are less than men or that it’s natural and right to treat them in any of the ways I’ve written about in this paragraph.
The bottom line is this - some women enjoy power exchanges. Some women want to be degraded. Some women want to be humiliated. Some women want to be hit. Some women feel more comfortable and free when they are submissive to a trusted Dominant. SOME women. Not all women. And even women who participate in this world are equal to you, men. Not inferior, not ever.
I have more to say, and I’ll work on articulating it more clearly later when it’s not midnight and I’m not exhausted. But if you agree with me, please reblog this. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not possible to say this too often or too loudly.
Oh - and from here on out, I will block all followers who truly do advocate degrading women. If you honestly feel that women are objects, don’t bother following me.